Employee Evaluations
I am currently a little uninspired, so I thought I would post something that made me LOL. My husband is a Federal Employee (USPS). No, none of these are from his evaluations. Enjoy!
These are actual quotes taken from United States Federal Government employee performance evaluations.
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
13. "He's been working with glue too much."
14. "He would argue with a signpost."
15. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
16. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
17. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
18. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
19. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
20. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
21. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
22. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
23. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
24. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
25. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
26. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
27. "One neuron short of a synapse."
28. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
29. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
30. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
the END
These are actual quotes taken from United States Federal Government employee performance evaluations.
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
13. "He's been working with glue too much."
14. "He would argue with a signpost."
15. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
16. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
17. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
18. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
19. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
20. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
21. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
22. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
23. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
24. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
25. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
26. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
27. "One neuron short of a synapse."
28. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
29. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
30. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
the END
posted by Rose~ at 9:24 AM
8 Comments:
That is funny. Have a good day.
God Bless
Matthew
By
Matthew Celestine, at 1/10/2006 10:20 AM
Yes, that was good for a laugh.
Grace & Peace,
Jim
By
Jim, at 1/10/2006 11:22 AM
Matthew and Jim.
I'm glad it gave you a chuckle.
Now ... get back to work! ;~)
By
Rose~, at 1/10/2006 1:50 PM
Work? I'm a student.
Well, not tomorrow. I am working in the office tomorrow.
By
Matthew Celestine, at 1/10/2006 2:52 PM
...and those are the positive things management has to say about us... daily!
Hi Rose,
Funny post!
We can't all work at a church, but the way I view my job is... it's an opportunity to worship. I could write “John, a Letter Carrier (not of men, neither by man, but by Jesus Christ, and God the Father, who raised him from the dead ;)(Gal.1:1)
I’m a missionary cleverly disguised as a Letter Carrier.
Rose, I wonder how your readers view their place of opportunity.
Wadya think?
brother John
By
J. Wendell, at 1/11/2006 6:53 AM
Hahahahohohoheeheehee...
By
Jeremy Weaver, at 1/11/2006 8:57 AM
John
Well, I am sure that it is no coincidence that the Lord granted me a job working for Exclusive Brethren people when I am doing a doctoral thesis on J.N. Darby, the founder of the Exclusive Brethren.
I am conscious of the fact that I can be careless at work and not put enough effort into my job. That is not worshipping God and is dishonouring to my Lord.
I am a very lazy person and need more consciousness of the value of work.
Every Blessing in Christ
Matthew
By
Matthew Celestine, at 1/11/2006 11:47 AM
the Doxoblogist ... ... it's alive!!!
Matthew,
You are soo honest, bless your heart. No one can improve on a character flaw until they recognize it first. I am lazy sometimes too. There. Now I am going to go and do something really constructive.
:~)
By
Rose~, at 1/11/2006 1:09 PM
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