Living in the third person?
I don’t love God like I should. I love reading His Word and I long to understand it, but I am often distracted with egocentric thoughts. I know others are more important than myself, but I am habitually preoccupied with my own needs. When I am tired, hungry, or my feelings are hurt, the fruit of the spirit starts to shrivel like a plum into a prune. Am I unusual? Even if I am not unusual, that doesn’t make my self-centeredness any less profound. Does the world see this fatal flaw of mine?
When I was first came to know Christ as my savior, I thought that if others saw a happy, fulfilled, content person that exhibited God’s grace and peace, they would want to know Christ, too. Christ delivered me from a whole lot of sinful habits immediately upon salvation, but I remember really struggling with certain things…irritation, impatience, other bad character traits … and trying so hard to hide them from my immediate family for fear they would spoil the picture I wanted them to see … of life in Christ. It later became clear that this wasn’t right. It didn’t work to win them to Christ, and it wasn’t genuine. I believe I have learned from God’s Word that He wants us to be authentic, not hiding our character flaws and idiosyncrasies, but letting the world see as God transforms us and grows us. How can they see this work of God if we mask who we really are?
I am selfish, but I am learning more everyday how to be a servant. I am impatient, but God is working in my heart. I am wretched, but He cares for me. He is here with me, in me, and somehow, people see Him here. When He laid down His life, He did it for His friends … that includes selfish, wretched me.
But God demonstrates his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
I once heard someone say that Christ died for God. I think I know what he means. But I take great joy in this fact: Christ died for me! He took my sin upon Him, and he wants to make me like Him. Anthropocentric vs. Theopocentric soteriology… I hear these words and I think I get where the concern is. No, the world does not revolve around me or any of us! I get it. Yet here I am, trapped in this body, as this person, with this life. This is the life that I am responsible to live and this is where I experience the new life He has given me. I am not going to hide who I am or what God is doing here in a quest to be generic and impersonal … not in the blogdom and not anywhere else. I don't mean this post as a criticism of anyone else ... it is just my thoughts on how I must operate. (I look forward to doing some more noble posts that avoid all the personal pronouns that I used here!)
(My concept of how the blogdom relates to real life is a work in progress).
Thanks to all of those who are patient with me here in this strange universe of BLOG.